do · just · as · the · moon · does ·

cool.

I feel old, like maybe everyone dies at twenty. I have maybe a year and a half,
and I can probably finish my zine and read some Proust by then, so that's good.

it is nice to be home because my parents are so supportive of me and make me feel at home, and my dad made us a delicious feast, cauliflower and asparagus and tofu mushroom pepper deliciousness. I don't think he ever worked in a kitchen but his father was a chef, I remember a picture of him in his restaurant with Dali (and I have a signed menu, somewhere, I hope still intact!)

right now I have two summer job offers that I am considering, a vegan counterperson/baking job in park slope (kinda bougie, but I would be BAKING! and also tips are good) and a salesperson at a vintage bicycle/apparel shop in the LES (mmmm overpriced 'vintage' crap for trust fund hipsters.) I'll be interviewing at both on monday. I'm thinking the former, but maybe I'll end up doing part time at both? I did promise the library I would pick up some hours there too. and I have my internship, and I will be vegetable gardening and major fence-rehauling at home. ohhh boy, busy summer. I wish the pool was open because I miss moving around. my muscles are mushy.

things to do before I go back to MICA-
+read a book a week
+bike to NYC from home (about 35 miles)
+love my jobs and my family
+paint and print and sew and play music
+volunteer like I used to!

excited for the summer and even for the fall with awesome classes but I am soooo sleepy.

this is cracking me up right now.
it is almost five AM and I am almost past tired, but a bit hysterical.

finals are okay, I guess, or are better than last semester where I was sick as a dog and stressed.
I figure, I am spending a zillion dollars on useless (on paper) schooling, so I should try to enjoy it...

drawing. five colored pencil pieces done in 12 hrs straight
electronic media. kerouac-based web art (one more page to finish, before tomorrow at nine)
sculpture. vegan cupcakes w/ string baked into them, suspended between limbs (haha, not started)
elements. three paintings (need retouching) and, hopefully a zine (just begun)
critical inquiry. self-indulgent personal essay (almost done!)

it's funny that during the winter I become so meticulous and kind of settle down, and I try to tame my hair and keep my sweaters clean and wear lipstick and designate time for reading and knitting and writing, but pretty much just sleep through everything. now that it's summer all of my clothes are tattered and covered in paint, and I haven't looked at myself in the mirror in forever, and I am just drawing and writing and cooking and dreaming and generally restless. I am a gross tangled hairy paint-covered secondhand mess and it is great. I haven't slept but it is so good, I am happy to be alive and so sad to sacrifice what little time I have to sleep. this week was so great, especially friday, I walked for three and a half hours with anthony to hampden, up falls road which is beautiful and forest-y and looks like croton alongside the hudson (which I miss). sarah and I went out to liam's with some non-MICA friends (it seems like I am spending more and more time away from MICA) and ended up hanging out with a folk singer who we both really admire and who keeps on popping up wherever we go (hooray!) and then at 1 or 2am at never on sunday (waffle fries and crispy mushrooms) and sarah drove us to visit stefan in hamilton after that, but by that time I was so tired that I driften in and out of consiousness until we got home.

I did wake up to sing 'changes' by david bowie as loud as possible
at maybe 3:30am, while we sped down north avenue.

nine days until summer! excited but a little sad too.
okay back to essaywriting.

such a busy day!

to do...
+apply for at least 10 nyc jobs
(I have applied to 6 so far today, ugh someone hire me already)
+call old employers
+10 autopoems for kerouac/web art piece
+coney island painting
+send out packages
+put up etsy
+practice before concert (nervousnervous)
+figure out what you are doing for sculpture final!

I assume I will be sleeping very little. that's what finals week is about though, right?

my drawing final went so very well, but I am a little sad. that was the only class I really cared about this semester. I will miss my teacher (and andy and emily mayyyyybe.)

EDIT- I just got an internship at a radical printshop! augh that is my dream job!

so excited. going to pass out now.

here we all are before twelve straight (almost) hours of studio work, from midnight to noon.
I almost finished my drawing final, five big old colored pencil drawings (hooray!)
new york will be nice, I miss small town night wandering and nyc in the heat
but I will miss you mica people!

I am working on sewing up the vegan pins and some more teeth and cutting up this children's pajama shirt with dinosaurs all over it, I am going to make them into little patches too. I need to give emily's bike key back, I never found my glasses but I am trying to not get mopey and just apply for jobs and sell my art and stuff.

on saturday, my band played at the local farmer's market and made 75 dollars for the waverly middle school drum line, who lost their funding. after we finished, the drum line played and someone wrote them a check for 250 dollars! that is awesome. it was the first time I played an event with the band, and it was ridiculously fun. on tuesday we are playing barclay house with a great local band and I am nervous because I have never played a real show before (barring saturday, which was more of a march.) I used to play classical horn a lot, even at carnegie hall once but I have never been in a band and this is new and exciting and damn scary. also, all of the other bands that are playing are punk as fuck and I hope the crowd likes us. so so so nervous!

oh and after a hundred years of fighting I got a myspace so you should add me.

I don't know what I am going to do for the summer. my mother has been back and forth, telling me I must come home and then telling me to not come home at all, and I am so distraught and just want her to give me an ultimatum so I can figure things out. I have been looking at jobs in salt lake city, already was turned down at a print shop there but I am not going to give up.

I have sent out countless applications in New York, to coffeehouses vegan restaurants bookstores radical screenprinters and everywhere in between. I want to work somewhere independently run, I don't want to touch meat, this might be too much to ask but if I can I don't want to sacrifice my morals for a job. if worst comes to worst I will be stuck in croton, at the library, for the fifth year in a row which is really not so bad, but against all of these other options it seems unbearable.

but I have been painting for myself again. and gocco printing, and working on my zine. I want to have my etsy shop up this week, I keep putting it off. I have to stop spending so much money on things like more typewriters and dresses and vegan cookies, I need to start saving them for airfare. my goal is not to spend any money at all this week.

in elements, we are watching 'the cook, the thief, his wife, and her lover.' the colors are so vibrant and every still is a painting. I watched it in drawing last semester, it made me sick to my stomach but I think it is breathtaking. everyone should watch it, I think.

one of my friends from high school came to visit me this weekend, we walked for three miles to hampden and clipper mill and the day before I walked to waverly with clayton to band practice. that was fun, the walk and the practice, I have never played with the whole band before and I am so excited to perform at a pirate festival and a farmer's market and maybe a punk-rock wine and cheese party? I feel so happy to be playing music again, and reading, and walking, with the spring air warming I am so ready for summer. so restless for school to end, none of the projects can hold my attention and I don't want to apply for jobs or internships, I don't want to do anything but laze around outside with fruit and my typewriter.

I gocco'd some business cards for my etsy shop which is not up yet, for emac homework
the screen didn't burn very well so they are fuzzy and messy
which is dumb because business cards should be like, "here, I am competent"
at least it isn't false advertising!

I have so much homework due tomorrow that I have not started.
I am still sick, coughing and sneezing and gross, the weather has gotten wintery again

but there are good things too, this summer I am going to florida and georgia and maybe dallas
(and maybe, eliana, I can visit you too)
and my high school friend allie is coming to visit tuesday through sunday
if I get my work done we will have fun!